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Red Sox ban sharp objects from clubhouse in wake of Sale trade

Georgi Presecky

Bob Saget Super Fan

Photo by Georgi Presecky. Sale walks the catwalk at the MLB fashion show. The Boston Red Sox are banning sharp objects from their spring training clubhouses this season with the acquisition of starting pitcher Chris Sale. The southpaw was traded to Boston this offseason after a successful run as a starting pitcher in Chicago, but Sale is notorious for tearing up more than just the pitcher’s mound- he reportedly took a pair of scissors to a White Sox jersey he deemed ugly last season, and the Red Sox are taking proper precautions to make sure that he doesn’t make it a habit. “It’s a little frustrating that I can’t do my scrapbooking in the clubhouse because they’re nervous about what he’ll do with my scissors,” said longtime Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia. “I only have one page left in my book about the ’04 series. Not cool.” Manager John Farrell has been seen filling out his lineup card with nail polish because sharp pencils and pens have been banned from the facilities. Groundskeepers at spring training camp’s Jetblue Park have also removed the blades from their lawnmowers after an incident related to the tint of red in Sale’s warm-up windbreaker. Sale, who will be a guest judge on Bravo’s “Project Runway” during the All-Star break in July, has played a massive role in bridging the gap between professional baseball players and their clothing manufacturers. New Era and the MLB are making sure all uniform design decisions have his approval before he takes the mound. “I can’t pitch while also wearing an ugly jersey,” Sale told ESPN. “Style is very important to me. They just didn’t get that in Chicago, so I’m glad these guys in Boston understand my fashion sense.” The scissor ban will extend through the regular season at Fenway Park, where Farrell and his staff believe Sale will change his unstable ways. “I think they’re forgetting he also throws 95-mile-perhour fastballs at other human beings for a living,” Pedroia reminded reporters. “Those designers at New Era better watch their backs, is all I’m saying.”

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